• Crash Corrigan and The Evil Oil Change

      0 comments

    Crash Corrigan and the Evil Oil Change.

    corrigan1

    Ever watch one of those National Geographic presentations where animals do amazing things – especially to each other. One of the ones I liked best was where Wild Rams crash into on another with their heads – of course they have four inch horns to soften the blow – and other than being dazzed a bit don’t seem to mind whacking each other.

    Now with humans, some of the more violent have the same tendency, except they usually butt someone who is standing still. My intensive research shows that the frontal bone plate which protects our brain lobe is about 65 mm thick (unless of course you are a relative of Crash Corrigan). The butt-er has an advantage over the buttee because he is usually swinging his frontal plate against stationery bone. You can actually cause a concussion or worse depending on thickness, speed, and torque put into the smash. There is a common rumor that says if you have a very thick frontal plate to protect your brain, there is a good chance you may not become a nuclear physistist. Check for yourself among those of your friends that have a certrain neanderathol look – extra bone above the eyes. Hard heads, you bet. So what does all this bone thickness, velocity of swinging the head, etc. have to do with our hero Crash Corrigan. You are about to find out.

    Never heard of Crash? Well I wouldn’t expect you to think much about it other than its sort of a cool name. He was a hero of mine – protecting the rights of the injured, serving the public at large, purging society of dangerous criminals, bringing wrongdoers to justice – just the name alone got me excited. Flash Gordon is the only other star I can think of that would compare. Crash’s real name was Raymond Bernard, but you can’t have a name like Crash Raymond so he changed it to Crash Corrigan in 1936. There are several legends about how the Crash part came about. He was such a terrible horseman that it was a common sight to see him unexpectedly dismount, usually head first over the horses neck. Since he was a B movie actor he also got thrown through no less than twenty-six barroom windows. Other rumors said he was just clumsy and continually crashed into anything higher than a cow pie. Truth is that he liked to get into legitimate brawls on occasion and his weapon of choice was his forehead. Lots of bets on how much blood would stay on the clothes or hit the ground. Crash really was a warm-hearted gentleman, but underneath was a ruthless competitor that thoroughly enjoyed watching you bleed on a movie set.

    Before we start our main story you probably want to know a bit more about Crash. First of all he entered the movie business because he did his own stunts – he was crashing into things all the time anyway. He also loved Gorilllas (take a look at the forehead on a gorilla and you’ll see why). In fact he had a very good Gorilla suit made for himself before he tried to break into the movies. He tried to get the producer to let him wear a gorilla suit at the beginning and end of any film. And indeed his initial start was in the movie “Tarzan and his Mate in1934,He was the Orangopoid in the original flash Gordon Movie in 1935. He also had a roll in Undersea Kingdom. He probably got hired because he owned the monkey suit – once again a savings for the producer. From 1936 to 1938 he made 24 films as one of the trio of the Three Mesquiteers – John Wayne, Max Terhune and himself. Think about it, that is one movie every two week. By now he was know far and wide as Crash – since many of his landings, fallings, and banging his head would have killed a normal man.

    corrigan2

    He didn’t believe he was getting paid enough for his Gorilla Suit In 1938 he starred a number of films called the Range Busters. (There was also a rumor that he head butted and called the current producer a pernicious little bastard) He starred in 20 of the Buster films. Same plot most of the time with Crash getting thrown off buildings, out of windows and dismounting most animals head first.

    Finally he gave up cowboy work, tiring of tired of dismounting his horse on his head or being thrown through a window, he went back to the ape costume with title rolls in Nabonga, White Pongo, the Unknown Island, the Ape, and It The Terror from Outer Space. Having now had about 10 years of crashing (and head butting if he got the chance) into everything imaginable, He bought some acreage in Simi Valley and rented it out to movie companies – sold his Gorilla Suit and was now just a regular businessman. It was a disappointment to me – I was hoping he go up against one of those big horn rams and end it that way.

    But now, Crash and the Oil Change – and this is where I think his real name came from. Being frugal (cheap) he wouldn’t take the 1933 ford he owned to a garage to get he oil changed. Not necessary he said, its a rip off. They want $3 to change it – who knows some day it could be ten times that. Crash’s first Oil change was a classic. One of his buddies told him what to do but wasn’t present. Crash got the car real hot so the oil would flow out quickly and completely. He then took the Ford to his back lot and parked in a not so level slope. No jack so he had to crawl under the car – about an inch between his nose and the undercarriage of the car – in fact he really had problem moving his arms around. His first attempt to undo the plug with a cresent wrench was very unsuccessful. The Cresent Wrench slipped and Crash removed most of the skin from his right knukles – he yelped and banged his head on the oil pan putting a sixteenth inch dent piece of steel – no easy task even with a hammer.. He decided that maybe he was trying to turn the wrench the wrong way. Even with his foot on the wrench it wouldn’t move. Reversed the wrench and the plug moved. Crash undid the bolt but forgot that he oil was approximate 220 degrees. The oil came out, most of it running down his arm with big time screams..Since he was on the down side slope the oil of course ran into his cloths. It was hard to tell what was going on because of the dirt he was kicking, and the banging (crashing) of his head and body on the undercarriage. Four major dents on the oil pan alone (Hence the name Crash) He also used some very unsatisfactory language that went on for ten minutes as he struggled to get out from under the car., Basically insanity, complete and utter insanity. Once he got his burned, bleeding and bruised body from under the Ford he admistered some kicks to the exterior injuring hjis toes on the left foot, and breaking two toes on his right.. Well there were still a few problems – oil all the way under the ford and the plug was missing – Crash dropped it as soon as the first drop of oil burned his hand. Also the filter needed to be changed, but that was supposed to be easy. First Crash rolled the ford about 15 feet away from the oil mess, the he hunted up the oil plug. This was real progress. Once again, he crawled underneath to disassembe the filter – same story – bolt the wrong wasy, hot oil spashing down – lots of bad language – Pounded the out side of the ford with his fists this time – just one broken finger, It made it a bit harder to find the missing bolt in the oil/dirt mess, but he eventually got it.

    Time to put the new filter and plug in – filter went okay. Drain Bolt not so good – he finally got it threated correctly, but then decided to use his feet in tightening the plug. He put all his weight on it – in fact right at the end it seemed to turn a bit easier. Now it was down hill. Put the oil in, crank it up and see if there was a solvent that would clean all of the oil off his skin and away he would go. Started her up, seemed good, but he could hear something under the engine. He looked down and there was a nice spray of oil coming from the plug – he had overtightened it and stripped the treads – it left a nice one inch trail where ever he went,. Crash was sure the Oil Companies, Ford Motor Company, were behind this whole fiasco. But in reality they really helped him established the valient and prestigious name of Crash Coorigan. Crash Corrigan and the Evil Oil Change..

    Ever watch one of those National Geographic presentations where animals do amazing things – especially to each other.. One of the ones I like best is where wild Rams crash into on another with their heads – of course they have four inch horns – and other than being dazzed a bit don’t seem to mind whacking each other.

    Now with humans some of the more violent have this same tendency except they usually butt someone who is standing still.. My intensive research showed that the frontal bone plate which protects our brain lobe is about 65 mm thick (unless of course you are a relative of Crash Corrigan). The butt-er has an advantage over the buttee because he is usually swinging his frontal plate against stationery bone. You can actually cause a concussion or worse depending on thickness, speed, and torque put into the smash.. There is a common rumor that I continually hear that says is you have a very thick frontal plate to protect your brain, there is a good chance you may not be too bright in the Einstien Are. Check for yoursel among those of your friends that have a certrain neanderathol look. . I’ve checked, rumor is true. But what does all this bone thickness, velocity of swinging the head. Etc. have to do anything about our hero Crash Corrigan. You are about to find out.

    Never heard of Crash Corrigan, Well I wouldn’t expect you to think much about it other than its sort of a cool name. He was a hero of mine – protecting the rights of the injured, serving the public at large, purging society of dangerous criminals,bringing wrongdoers to justice – just the name alone got me excited. Flash Gordon is the only other star I can think of that would compare. Crash’s real name was Raymond Bernard, but you can’t have a name like Crash Raymond so he changed it to Crash Corrigan in 1936. There are several legends about how the Crash part came about. He was such a terrible horseman that it was a common sight to see his unexpectedly dismount a horse, usually thrown over the horses head. Since he was a B movie actor he also go thrown through no less that 26 barroom windows. Other rumors said he was just clumsy and continually crashed into anything higher than a cow pie. Truth is that he liked to get into legitimate brawls on occasion and his weapon of choice was his crashing forhead. Lots of bets on how much blood would stay on the clothes or hit the ground. Crash really was a warm hearted gentlemen – usually – but underneath was a ruthless competitor that thoroughly enjoyed watching you bleed on a movie set.

    . Before we start our main story you probably want to know a bit more about Crash. First of all he entered the movie business because he did his own stunts – he was crashing into things all the time so here was some savings. He also loved Gorilllas (take a look at the forehead on a gorilla and you’ll see why). In fact he had a very good Gorilla suit made before he tried the movies. He tried to get the producer to let him wear a gorilla suit at the beginning and end of any film.

    corrigan3

    And indeed his initial start was in the movie “Tarzan and his Mate in 1934,He was the Orangopoid in the original flash Gordon Movie in 1935. He also had a roll in Undersea Kingdom.. He probably got hired because he owned the monkey suit – one again a savings for the producer. From 1936 to 1938 he made 24 films as one of the Three Mesquiteers. Think about it, that is one movie every two week. By now he was know far and wide as Crash – since many of his landings, fallings, and banging his head would have killed a normal man. He didn’t believe he was getting paid enough for his Gorilla Suit and in and he left in 1938 and started a number of films called the Range Busters. (Thjere was also a rumor that he head butted and called the current producer a pernicious little bastard) He started in 20 of the Buster films. Same plot most of the time with Crash getting thrown off buildings, out of windows and dismounting most animals head first. Finally giving up cowboy work and being extremely tired of falling off his horse or thrown through a window, he went back to the ape costume with title rolls in Nabonga, White Pongo, the Unknown Island, the Ape, and It The Terror from Outer Space.. Having now had about 10 years of crashing (and head butting if he got the chance) into everything imaginable, He bought some acreage in Simi Valley and rented it out very successfully to movie companies – sold his Gorilla Suit and was now just a regular businessman. It was a disappointment to me – I was hoping he go up against one of those big horn rams and end it that way.

    But now, Crash and the Oil Change – and this is where I think his real name came from. Being frugal (cheap) he wouldn’t take the 1933 ford he owned to a garage to get he oil changed. Not necessary he said. Its a rip off. They want $3 to change it – who knows some day it could be ten times that. Crash’s first Oil change was a classic. One of his buddies told him what to do but wasn’t present. Crash got the car real hot so the oil would flow out quickly and completely. He then took the Ford to his back lot and parked in a not so level slope. No jack so he had to crawl under the car – about an inch between his nose and the undercarriage of the car – in fact he really had problem moving his arms around. His first attempt to undo the plug with a cresent wrench was very unsuccessful. The Cresent Wrench slipped and Crash removed most of the skin from his right knukles – he yelped and banged his head on the oil pan putting a sixteenth inch dent piece of steel – no easy task even with a hammer.. He decided that maybe he was trying to turn the wrench the wrong way. Even with his foot on the wrench it wouldn’t move. Reversed the wrench and the plug moved. Crash undid the bolt but forgot that he oil was approximate 220 degrees. The oil came out, most of it running down his arm with big time screams..Since he was on the down side slope the oil of course ran into his cloths. It was hard to tell what was going on because of the dirt he was kicking, and the banging (crashing) of his head and body on the undercarriage. Four major dents on the oil pan alone (Hence the name Crash) He also used some very unsatisfactory language that went on for ten minutes as he struggled to get out from under the car., Basically insanity, complete and utter insanity. Once he got his burned, bleeding and bruised body from under the Ford he admistered some kicks to the exterior injuring hjis toes on the left foot, and breaking two toes on his right.. Well there were still a few problems – oil all the way under the ford and the plug was missing – Crash dropped it as soon as the first drop of oil burned his hand. Also the filter needed to be changed, but that was supposed to be easy. First Crash rolled the ford about 15 feet away from the oil mess, the he hunted up the oil plug. This was real progress. Once again, he crawled underneath to disassembe the filter – same story – bolt the wrong wasy, hot oil spashing down – lots of bad language – Pounded the out side of the ford with his fists this time – just one broken finger, It made it a bit harder to find the missing bolt in the oil/dirt mess, but he eventually got it.

    Time to put the new filter and plug in – filter went okay. Drain Bolt not so good – he finally got it threated correctly, but then decided to use his feet in tightening the plug. He put all his weight on it – in fact right at the end it seemed to turn a bit easier. Now it was down hill. Put the oil in, crank it up and see if there was a solvent that would clean all of the oil off his skin and away he would go. Started her up, seemed good, but he could hear something under the engine. He looked down and there was a nice spray of oil coming from the plug – he had overtightened it and stripped the treads – it left a nice one inch trail where ever he went,. Crash was sure the Oil Companies, Ford Motor Company, were behind this whole fiasco. But in reality they really helped him established the valient and prestigious name of Crash Coorigan.

    Write a comment